A Choice: Either Shut Up or Deal With It

I've been agonizing all day over speaking my mind about something to people who don't necessarily care that much about me. You know, those groups of people with whom you are associated, but whom you aren't friends with, either. Like the soccer parents, or the church group, or your co-workers. Well, in this case I spoke up, pretty loudly, about a proposed change in who was going to coach Helena's gymnastics team. Basically, she stood to lose the one coach that would have made it worthwhile for her stay at that gym. I don't want to move, as there are no other viable options that wouldn't require enormous sacrifices, but I also didn't want her to waste a year marking time with inadequate coaching. So I spoke up, and then I got accused of "gossiping" and "threatening to leave" in front of the entire group of parents. It's not gossip when one is trying to figure out the truth, goes to the source and has the suspicion confirmed. And I didn't threaten to leave, I just said that there was only one coach that would make it worthwhile, and please let me know what the final decision is so I can make other plans, if necessary. Everyone is free to do whatever they want.

ANYWAY, I agonized over this all day long. "What do they think of me?" "Should I just shut up and obey the powers that be?" How come nobody has emailed me back after I sent a nice explanation and expressed gratitude that things were able to work out well for us?

My husband, who is always full of great advice about these things, having ample experience at being honest and principled, and, therefore, unpopular, said something very wise, which I must contemplate. He said something like, "Listen, because of the way you are (obsessive about stupid things like this) you can either say nothing and rest assured that everyone thinks well of you, or you can stand up for something and be miserable like this. It is not OK for you to fall apart after taking a stand, but you do. Embrace that about yourself, then try to fix it." I know this in general, of course, but what struck me is that I, in particular, have a challenge in front of me, because of the way I am. Oh, yeah, what is necessary is to embrace how I really am and start from that. Other people do just fine spouting off and not caring. But I'm not one of them. Start there, and I have hope, avoid the truth of how I really am, and I am lost. Got it. Hearing that actually made me feel better. I love my wise husband.