Top Four Reasons Why I Love January

4. Days get noticeably longer,
3. No card/gift/candy-driven holidays,
2. Ordinary Time, that is, it's not Lent yet,
1. Dreaming about what we're going to do with the refund check,

Oh, yeah, and I guess Superbowl (which is kind-of becoming a holiday, which if it does would ruin January. Thank goodness it's in February this year).

Ok, now here's something embarrassing, just to make you feel superior. I had to look up the difference between "it's" and "its" because I had a serious moment of confusion (and have probably made numerous errors up until now on this blog). The professional editors and writers (I know who you are!) will hopefully forgive me!

Flannery's Perennial Gun to the Head

Flannery O'Connor's oft-quoted clincher at the end of "A Good Man is Hard to Find" is as close to an existential description of how we should live every moment of our lives that I remind myself of it often. The Misfit says: "She would have been a good woman if it had been somebody to shoot her every minute of her life." But as soon as I am reminded of it and called back to remembering my intrinsic, inescapable "metaphysical impoverishment" I am also aware that I don't want to be forced by some looming threat to be made deeply appreciative of the goodness of reality in front of me. This kind of "you better appreciate it before its gone" mental manipulation also happens when people tell me, "be grateful for the times you have with your children, because it will be gone too fast." This is true, and if that kind of thinking works for you, then please don't let me dissuade you from it.

But to grab life by the horns simply because I might be missing something that will be gone someday is still unsatisfying. First of all, that someday is (statistically speaking) very far away. I can go around pretending like there is a gun to my head, but, in fact, there isn't one. Secondly, it is impossible to really imagine the time when the children will be grown and gone when some days I can't even envision getting to bed. And, thirdly, aren't we supposed to appreciate the present at all times and not be nostalgic for the past, no matter how good it was?

Last July Monica turned ten. When the realization dawned on me that I'm over halfway done with her time at home with us, I literally lost my balance and cried bitter tears. This wasn't a reaction like, "Oh my goodness, time is passing so quickly, I'm going to miss her when she is gone." It was, "I've only got one limited chance to get this even remotely right." Before that I had let myself become too self-absorbed and distracted, and this was deeply damaging my ability to function well, take care of all my responsibilities and be present to my children. I needed, desperately, to throw off all that junk that was weighing me down and clear the way to get busy with God's help to be a much better Mom than I had been. In fact, Monica's birthday was the catalyst event for the saying "no" mantra I developed in the summer.

Things around here were nothing to really complain about, but even so I kept getting snagged between thoughts like, "I'm so small and will be worm food, anyway, so what I do doesn't matter," a position that opened the door to all kinds of not taking my life seriously, and thoughts like, "You are so talented and capable and just as good as all those other people out there, anything less than totally wigging yourself out saving the world is less than acceptable." On the one hand what needed to be done wasn't important, because it would be gone soon, and on the other hand it wasn't important because it wasn't big. Both of these thoughts oftentimes undercut my ability to simply get through all the practical necessities of the day, which led me to being very cranky, which was really hurting my kids. It's a real problem, but one that humility helps to solve. The ability to neither underestimate nor overestimate oneself is a true, dependable starting point, grounded in reality. I was underestimating the importance of how much what I do impacts my family and overestimating my ability to do more than what I can reasonably handle. To look the passage of time straight in the face through the realization that I've only got one chance has made all the difference. And to look at myself for what I really am, that is, someone who can't function when there is too much on her plate, has freed me to say "No" without guilt or shame.

And another thing. I'm assuming that blogging doesn't require air-tight argumentation or good style and grammar. If you're looking for that here, look somewhere else!! I can do it (those of you who know me know that) but since this is simply a fun exercise, I don't want to make it into "work."

Weekly Reader Question

Has a week passed already? Not quite, but I thought it would be a good time to get one out there. Thanks for responding to the last one.

This week's question is: What is your ideal vacation? Go ahead... dream about it. We're stuck here in the winter blues, and could use a little escapism.

My ideal vacation is a cruise without the children. I know, I know, I should be relishing every cottin' pickin' moment with them, but the fact is that Mamma needs a good, solid break every once in a while.

Now give me some questions! What do you want to know about our fellow readers? Since its my blog, no fair complaining if your question doesn't get picked!

Fool me once, shame on you...

Fool me twice, shame on me.

Hey, folks. Just a "heads up." You know that money you might get this summer from the government? If the deal is anything like the $600 you got in 2001, you'll end up paying it all back to the government when you file your 2008 tax return. The summer checks that have been promised would really be an advance on your 2008 refund. It's more like a "pre-bate" not a "rebate." This would not add anything at all to your bottom line. For example, a family of four might end up getting $1800 in June, but come January 2009, they would have to give it all back to Uncle Sam when they file their income taxes. Maybe that family usually depends on a $1500 refund check to help with Christmas expenses. Not this year. They could be out that money AND owe the government $300 on top of it. If it is really just a loan, then its a good idea to put the money in the bank until tax time, or spend it like you would your 2008 tax refund.

UPDATE: I've been researching this topic, and while the government is using language like "tax cut" it is still not clear whether that money is free-and-clear or whether it is merely a loan like 2001. With such large amounts of checks at stake, it would be wise to know exactly what is going to happen when you file your 2008 taxes before you spend the money.

LAST UPDATE: Check out this explanation of the tax rebate checks. It looks as though I should have held my cynicism. It may be free money, after all. But, of course, we'll all be saddled with the national debt... Now let's see if it gets passed into law.

There's always time for next Christmas

When those catalogs start flooding my house just before Thanksgiving, I always think about how wasteful it is. They go straight from the mailbox into the garbage. I know, I know I should call the company and cancel the catalog. Now there's an easy way to do it, without picking up the phone. Collect a stack of unwanted catalogs, log on to catalogchoice.org and fill out the form. The site's explicit goal is to help reduce waste and preserve the environment. To date, almost a half million people have used the site and prevented the mailing of over five million catalogs.

Important Update to "I'm quitting Facebook"

My "you can count 'em on less than one hand" readers will recall the post in which I declare: "I'm Quitting Facebook!"

Thanks to the wise interjection of Justine I did not immediately cancel my account. And WHEW! Was that a good decision. In the space of just two days:

1. Someone poked me (ouch!),
2. Someone asked me to be their friend (yay!), and
3. I added a new word to my vocabulary when I ran into someone who told me she "Facebooked" me an invitation to a party.

So, I'll keep my account, but you won't catch me throwing turkeys at other peoples' walls.

Time to install more storms

Why, yes, that IS a cardboard-thick sheet of ice on the inside of my bedroom window.

No more birthdays, then

Dominic this morning: "I don't want to have any more birthdays a'cus it takes too long."

Weekly Reader Question -- Sleep Positions

So, let's make this a little fun for all three of my readers (and for those of you who were lucky enough to join us!). I'm going to try, whenever possible or inspired, to pose a question to the readership and ask for their response. Just put your answer in the comments section. This week's question is:

When you are laying down to go to sleep or are already sleeping and then have to get up to do something, do you always, sometimes, or never make a point of laying back down on the opposite side from where you were before? Explain.

My answer: I ALWAYS make a point of laying on the opposite side from where I started. I even avoid getting up because I don't want to "ruin" the side I was on. It is especially frustrating when I finally turn off the light and snuggle down on my favorite side and then remember that I have to get up to do something. That means having to go to sleep on the other side, which I don't like as much.

Come on, ladies. I know you do it (at least a little) too!

Bedtime Stories

My kids begged me to lay down with them before bed tonight. They had already said their prayers, which involved an entire, but made up, liturgy of, as they call it, "written prayers, telling God people we are thankful for, and intentions." Good to know they can improvise when Mom and Dad aren't there. Anyway, finally silence fell. Then, out of the blue my ten year old says "Did you know that next year will be the Chinese year of the Ox?" What makes a kid think of that so randomly? Then my other daughter, seven year old Helena, says, "Mom, I'm scared of becoming homeless." I assured her that as long as Daddy and I were living she would always have a place to stay. Then a discussion about death. "Mom, I don't want you and Daddy to die until at least I'm a grownup." Then a discussion about how this life is a good one, but the next one is better and how God gives us this life to teach us to love him so that we are ready for heaven when the time comes.

When they had begged me to lay down with them I was tweaking this blog and didn't want to go upstairs.

My proof that chaos theory is true

Perfect order+ 2 kids+ 2 hours+ 1 sick Mom+ 1 absent Dad =

How sweet!

Dominic made me my very own vomit catcher. Guess why.

Catch your breath, Anne

This morning while I was enjoying my organic instant coffee (can you believe they MAKE that?) Anne Curry from the Today Show breathlessly shared this breaking news with us. A private laboratory in California claimed that it cloned the first human embryo. There were, in quick succession, three mentions of this story in ten minutes on the Today Show, the last mention being an interview with a medical expert who had been dropped on the set so quickly that her microphone wasn't even working before the cameras went on. Watching Anne and the doctor fumble through this story and the "thorny ethical debates" that knock at the threshold made me think they were hypocrites. The popular media already has dismissed any ethical objection to invitro fertilization, and they in time will simply shrug off human cloning as one of those necessary things to guarantee the quality of life of the already born. Here's the thing that strikes me. There's nothing wrong with having two people with the same genetic makeup. My husband has an identical twin. No problem. Let's not get caught up in "Is it ok to make genetic duplicates?" when the real question is still the one that was asked and, unfortunately, dismissed over 20 years ago, "Is it ok to make human beings in a laboratory?" "Nope."

Here's a link to the National Catholic Bioethics Center where I'm sure Father Tad Pacholczyk, its Director, will post what will likely be the best Catholic response to this news. Father Tad is doing great work in this field, combining solid science with solid Catholic moral teaching. He sifts through the propaganda on both sides of the debate with clarity and charity.

American Idol Starts TONIGHT!

It's something I don't usually admit, but I'm an American Idol junkie. You'd think that a deep-thinking, busy Mom would have more to do than watch something so steeped in secular culture. Yet I can't get away. I rearrange everything to view, make predictions, read the website, and, yes, vote -- repeatedly. Is there something other-worldly to redeem this addiction? Maybe not, but let me explain...

I love American Idol because it starts with healthy, hearty bemusement and surprise at the vast range of people that the world has. Some people are crazy, others bizarre, and still others who are amazingly talented. It gives me that same break-me-out-of-my-own-little-world feeling I have when I'm people-watching in the mall and come across a truly striking character. Would that we could always keep our eyes open to the vast breadth of strange and talented people that are in our own backyards. Shouldn't we always look at people with wonder? When we don't, just think of the surprises we're missing.

Later on, during the real competition, watching how those kids dig in and dig deep to realize their dreams is very dramatic. Isn't this kind of like our own drama, whatever the goal might be (heaven comes to mind)? One by one the contestants reach a point that defines them, where they "kick it up a notch" to bust the self-imposed barriers to their own talent to touch, for a moment, the depths of the human heart. Those break-out performances are the golden moments that keep me coming back for more (this one by Carrie Underwood gives me goosebumps just thinking about it!).

Three months before that performance she was living on a farm and attending community college. Ain't only one source for that kind of talent, and I'll take reminders of Him wherever they are found.

I also wish I had the grit those kids have, and, you know, they are kind of an inspriation. And there is no way I could have that much poise in front of 30 million people, so there's a little humility in there for me, too.

The makeovers are still another story. If they can transform Eliott Yamin and Clay Aiken, then there's hope for all of us.

Here's a prediction, before they even get started. Bailey comes back.

Experienced moms can skip this one

For all you bright-eyed and idealistic girls out there who are chastely waiting for your Catholic prince charming to sweep you off your feet and bless you with untold numbers of children, here's a little tip coming at you from the future. Learn how to make a vomit catcher.
You will need:

1. sick child
2. a two-quart handled juice pitcher (top removed)
3. several plastic grocery bags (check for holes)
4. one large rubber band

Shove the plastic grocery bags one at a time into the juice pitcher, making sure the top of each one hangs over the edge. Put more (you will need them). Fold the tops down over the edge of the container and fasten with a rubber band.

To use: sick child vomits into the top bag. Remove rubber band and discard top bag. Re-attach rubber band. Wait for more vomit.

Why I like this method:

1. Minimal contact with vomit
2. Handle provides secure grip for small hands (important!)
3. No washing
4. No running to the toilet (and missing)
5. Recycling
6. Small, deep container keeps the child's eyes and nose away from what's going on down below
7. Mom can't see contents

Don't laugh, girls. Just thank me. It took nine messy years of motherhood to come up with this one.

Hang it in a museum!

It was inevitable, but I never imagined that it would be so... bright. That uncorked highlighter pen left its mark on the very first quilt I ever made. I was so sad when I first noticed it. Then came the futile attempts to clean it. Then acceptance. "Looks like art," I thought. I mean, it could have been a grubby black smudge. Who would have thought to combine those colors except a modern creative genius?

Where can I get a job to think this stuff up?

My husband called our credit card company today where he was connected to a "Relationship Manager."

On saying "no"

Since you've had to suffer through a week of fluff with me, I thought I would put forward something that has been burning a little hole in my brain for the past day or so.

Jesus said, "Say yes when you mean yes and no when you mean no" Easy enough stuff. But what about all the "no's" that we inadvertently pronounce when we say "yes"? Its hard to imagine just what we will have to reject in order to fulfill a promise, but it seems to me that how seriously we take those "no's" once they become apparent measures the veracity of our "yes." When I say "yes," for example, to the well-being of my children, I must say "no" to countless other possibilities, many of which are excruciating to give up. On the deepest level, when we say "yes" to Christ, for example, we say "no" to all kinds of things, and it is in our fidelity this that the truth of our "yes" will be measured. It could be said, at least according to how I see things right now, that how we honor the "no's" contained in our "yeses" measures our love.

Now, that's pretty basic, and not much worthy of the time it takes to even write it, but what stands out to me as I ponder this is the somewhat counterintuitive notion that "no" can be a great act of love. Over the past six months I have become aware of the need to embrace the "no's" contained in my vocation and even initiate the process of systematically saying "no" for the sake of my relationship to Christ and to my family. I've always had a basic obedience to embracing the "no's" contained in saying "yes" to my vocation, and it has been a painful peeling away of layers and layers of false ideas about what I wanted my life to look like. But to just say "no" to stuff because my circumstances prevented me from doing otherwise seemed unsatisfying and made me feel trapped. What was necessary was an explicit promise that affirmed the value of what is directly in front of me by systematically saying "no" in favor of what I loved. I've amassed enough experience to know what things can derail me. It became time to say "no" to them explicitly. So I came up with this little slogan, "If I didn't marry it, mother it, or mortgage it, forget it." Of course, there are exceptions, but I'm trying to stay close to this center, keeping myself aware of that feeling like things are "unraveling" and correcting the course before I become too frustrated. And it really works. These past six months has been the most fruitful and peaceful our family has experienced in a long time. But it's not because my world has shrunk, but because I made room for what is important to be large.

I now have more respect for bloggers who can actually post something meaningful. It's pretty hard to do! Maybe I'll stick to tips and tricks... like those closeable bobby-pins I discovered!

Organizing Christmas Junk

So, I like to find easier ways to do things. We have an artificial Christmas tree that gets to come out of the box every once in a while when we don't feel like going out to buy a fresh one. Hey, it's environmental and cheap. But the tree is so old that the little tags that tell me which level the branches go on have all fallen off. This year I spent at least a half hour just organizing the jumble of branches so that the tree wouldn't take on a figure eight shape once it was assembled. This year I put the tree back in the box but only after bundling each level together with its own plastic shopping bag. I had always used bags to tie up the christmas lights. They hold everything together well without having to make a knot that is difficult to untie later. Here's to a better asssembly process next year!

Happy Birthday, Dominic!

"Mamma, when it's not my birthday, will I still be four?"

Glorious Winter Day (almost)

Such a gift! To be blessed with high temperatures in the upper 60's during the depths of winter in the Ohio Valley. I was sure heaven was leaking onto earth. I dragged the Diego car and the tricycle out of hibernation, and Dominic gleefully played outside. It was a great opportunity for me to take care of some backyard tasks, so we enjoyed the sunshine side by side in a moment that reminded me why I really love my life. I went inside for a moment, then soon after Dominic was at the doorstep. "Mom, I stepped in mud." "That's fine, honey, it's a little muddy, just don't wear your boots inside." Pause. Then he said, "But I smell something." And I spent the next twenty minutes cleaning poop off his favorite boots. Then another pair.

Well, for those of you who are missing the snow (huh?!) here's a movie of my Dad and the kids making a snowman.

And what about the rest of us? Duck!!

"Hearing Nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn." --Fulton Sheen (more quotes here)

Happy Epiphany! Making a dress-up cape

Based on what I have seen on other "Good Catholic Mom" blogs, the practice of putting oneself out there for the world to see confers the occasional privilege of being able to brag about celebrating feast days that most people just ignore. This is sometimes combined with bragging rights for one's ability to actually make something (that is, not just go out to the store to buy it) for one's children to commemorate said feast day. Therefore, allow me to exercise my newfound right and present to you my momentous accomplishment of making capes for my children in celebration of Epiphany (Dominic opted to not be photographed).

Now for the really useful information. Lay out two yards (more for tall children) of fabric and fold one cut edge against the selvage, making a two-layer triangle. Trace 1/4 circle about 14 inches from the point marking with pins. Trace another 1/4 circle as many inches from the first circle as you want the cape to be long and mark with pins. Cut along the pins. The small piece will be half of the hood, the large piece will be half of the cape.
Repeat with the other end of the two yards of fabric. Sew the curved parts of the hood pieces together. Hem the side that will be around the face. The remaining side will be the bottom of the hood. Baste stitch that edge and gather to fit loosely around the neck. Set aside. Sew the two large pieces of the cape together along the long side. Baste stitch the top of the cape and gather so that it matches the width of the hood. Sew the hood to the top edge of a 1 yard length of 1" twill tape, making sure to center the hood on the length of tape. The tape will be what ties the hood around the neck (for my young son's cape, I opted to cut off the slack tape and put a velcro fastener, instead. This makes it easy for him to put on and prevents strangling). Now sew the cape to the bottom edge of the twill tape. Cover the seams along the tape with decorative trim, hem all edges, adding decoration. This project cost me about $7.00 per cape, with the greatest expense being the gold decoration.

Is that a rock I've been living under?

The most I had heard about Mike Huckabee was his last name as my eyes glazed over cnn.com looking for the latest entertainment news. And now he has won the Iowa caucus. I guess that is what the caucus is really good for: focusing the political spotlight and making cave-dwellers like me aware of what is going on. I'm not supporting him (remember, I didn't even know his first name until yesterday), but a commentator said something that made me take note, "Huckabee combines economic liberalism with moral conservatism. People seem to be coming to the realization that a rise in taxes won't cost them near as much as their teen daughter getting pregnant."

Just added... Funny commercial courtesy of Justine.

What does "crunchy" mean?

One day while trolling the blog universe, I came across this fun test to see if I'm a "crunchy" Catholic. After reading this blogger's responses to the questions, I felt I had been inhabiting a parallel universe with her until the point that I put my children in school. The ratings go like this:

120 – 140 Super Nutty, Ultra-Crunchy Granola Earth Mama
90 – 119 Mmm! Love that whole-grain crunch!
60 – 89 Pretty Crispy
20 – 59 Sprinkled with Granola
5 – 19 Instant Oatmeal
0 - 4 Jell-O

I ended up with a score of 94 and was happy to get credit for doing things that I knew were better for babies but, really, were facilitated by my inherent laziness. I didn't want to deal with circumcision. Breastfeeding was easier than managing the whole bottle system. Sleeping with baby next to me works because I like to stay in bed all night. And carrying a baby in a sling is easier than letting my nerves get grated to stubble by hearing her cry.

There was a major point loss for sending my kids to school, but it was for a super-crispy reason, and the extra ten points wouldn't have catapulted me into the "Super Nutty" category, anyway.

Question from Dominic

"Daddy, when you go on the airplane, do you drive?"

I'm Quitting Facebook!

It's a matter of being born too late. I live in a small town and know a lot of people on Facebook, but they are all younger than me by about seven years. It’s not that I’m too grown up for it, just that there’s a technological generation gap. My brain doesn’t relate that way. Like my Grandma who couldn’t ever enjoy chatting on the phone.

Here’s another reason I’m quitting. I remember the first time I checked out Facebook wondering "Is this a he-who-has-the-most-friends-wins game?" There was too much pressure, just like in high school. I joined anyway and with trepidation collected six friends. Then I noticed that everyone else had more friends and that managing the profile did not have a good enough reward for the effort. The clincher was how embarrassed I was to write people and ask them to be my friend. “Hi! Can we be friends?” What? Am I five years old again? No thanks.

And what about that “Newsfeed” feature on Facebook that keeps people updated on your every action on the site? Yeh, like I’m that important.

So, "good-bye" to my six friends. Hope to see you around here sometime!

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Thank you for drilling this into my head and into my heart: "Never be afraid to admit that you are wrong." (Engineers can't really hide their mistakes, so it is best to fess up). And thank you for that lesson's Christian corollary, "Never be afraid to say that you are sorry." You lived both of these continually and concretely in our relationship. Then you demonstrated why I shouldn't be afraid, because "The worst thing that can happen is you don't learn something from it." Happy Birthday!!

The Obligitory "Why I Decided to Make a Blog" Post

Doesn't everyone start a blog with that explanatory post about why they are starting a blog? Is that because there are always questions lurking in the back of the new blogger's mind, like, "Who cares?" and "With as much content as there is out there, would anyone even read this?" and "Don't I have friends that I can share this stuff with instead?" and the one that always keeps me from doing it: "What if people think I'm stupid?" Honestly, I read other peoples' blogs and ask those same questions about the blogger, as in, "Doesn't this person have a friend or spouse they can share these deep, revealing thoughts to?" and "Why do I feel like a voyeur?" I also ask myself "Why am I wasting my time reading this?" Then there is the question that most often hits home like, "Am I such a lazy bum that I can't even manage to keep my house decent, my kids fed, and my husband happy, while there are hundreds of other Catholic stay-at-home moms who do all that AND homeschool AND write at length about their lives??" Yes, the fact is I am that lazy bum, and there's a lot telling me to not even start a blog (like the dishes and laundry that piled up this morning while I revved up this monster!!). But I'm so curious to see what could develop from having my own blog, that I feel compelled to try.